So for those that don't know for the last two weeks I have been in Albuquerque, New Mexico living with my sister Mindy. They are moving to Salt Lake, have a 3 year old girl and two boys that are 2 months old. It is a handful! I have had a lot of experience when it comes to being a nanny. I started at 15 helping April with Caleb and then again the next summer helping with Caleb and Noni. When I was taking care of caleb so much we gained a special bond. Caleb has always loved me and he and I have had great times together. It made me feel special to know that kids really can like me haha. I have gained a good sense of what it is like to be a mother. I love these kids as if they were my own. Now that I'm here helping once again I have had a much more rough time with Ellie. Just a couple months ago I was her favorite aunt and she would listen to me and play with me and it was great. Now she has been mean and a destroyer of things. Then having to add Logan to the combination was almost too much for me to bear. Today was one of those days that everything seemed to go wrong. Ellie was being a tad bit on the monster side, Logan was very fussy, and I was very tired and not feeling well. It got to the point that I just broke down and cried, I kept asking myself "why am I here" "I can't handle this." Finally I got Logan asleep and Ellie hooked on a movie and I was able to clean up the house a bit. Then Mindy came home with Stockton. It was wonderful to see Stockton home and with his family at last. I saw Mindy's face as she held both of them and it was at that moment that I knew why it was worth it to have kids. 
She looked happy than she had in weeks. I can hardly describe what I felt when I watched her with those babies. Soon after chaos broke loose again and there was crying and feeding and bathing, but I didn't feel tired or angry I just felt happy that these kids were together now. I fed Logan and went to put Ellie to bed and another moment of peace came over me. She sat on my lap and I told her "pretend" stories. She was so cute and so sweet. We had a good time with the stories then I went to sleep with her to make sure she stayed in bed. I layed there thinking that even though the kids are a handful they are also a true joy to have. The hours and hours of chaos is so worth the 20 to 30 minutes of special moments. I love every single one of my nieces and nephews and i can honestly say they really do keep me going. I have a strong faith that I will someday get married and have cute (monster) children as well. I have learned a few lessons while I have been here in New Mexico. One is that I know I want to have kids and be a wonderful mother and teacher to my children, but one other thing I learned that is more important right now is that I don't want to rush either. I'll have years to spend with my children and I think it is very important that while I have been blessed with these years in my life to be single that there are many important things for me to accomplish. So a note to all those that are single... Make the most of this time cause seriously after marriage it isn't your time anymore it is your husbands time and your childrens time. I have the chance to get an education right now and the chance to do things that will better prepare me for motherhood. Although being a mom is what I have always wanted, right now I'm just fine with settling for being the favorite Aunt! Thanks Mindy and April for sharing your kids with me :).
She looked happy than she had in weeks. I can hardly describe what I felt when I watched her with those babies. Soon after chaos broke loose again and there was crying and feeding and bathing, but I didn't feel tired or angry I just felt happy that these kids were together now. I fed Logan and went to put Ellie to bed and another moment of peace came over me. She sat on my lap and I told her "pretend" stories. She was so cute and so sweet. We had a good time with the stories then I went to sleep with her to make sure she stayed in bed. I layed there thinking that even though the kids are a handful they are also a true joy to have. The hours and hours of chaos is so worth the 20 to 30 minutes of special moments. I love every single one of my nieces and nephews and i can honestly say they really do keep me going. I have a strong faith that I will someday get married and have cute (monster) children as well. I have learned a few lessons while I have been here in New Mexico. One is that I know I want to have kids and be a wonderful mother and teacher to my children, but one other thing I learned that is more important right now is that I don't want to rush either. I'll have years to spend with my children and I think it is very important that while I have been blessed with these years in my life to be single that there are many important things for me to accomplish. So a note to all those that are single... Make the most of this time cause seriously after marriage it isn't your time anymore it is your husbands time and your childrens time. I have the chance to get an education right now and the chance to do things that will better prepare me for motherhood. Although being a mom is what I have always wanted, right now I'm just fine with settling for being the favorite Aunt! Thanks Mindy and April for sharing your kids with me :).